Gone are the days when the Grooms’ main job was to propose and then show up to the church on time. Granted, the guys may not care what color linens their fiancé wants on the tables or what the Bridesmaid dresses look like or what hair style and make up the Bride has in mind for their big day – but there are plenty of other decisions that capture the Grooms attention and imagination.

Choice of ceremony and reception venue and food are two of the major decisions most Grooms want to help make. They want where they will be married and where the celebration takes place to be meaningful to them as well as their Bride.

Some couples make all of the major decisions jointly but perhaps due to the hectic pace of most of our lives, the majority of couples divide up the tasks and reserve a few that they want to handle jointly.

For instance the Groom might handle:

• Finding the DJ or Band
• Selecting the Reception playlist
• Tuxedo rentals
• Transportation for the couple and their guests
• Honeymoon plans
• Wedding Night hotel reservations
• Cocktail Hour & Reception beverage selection

The Bride might handle:

• Selection of colors, linens and general look of the Ceremony and Reception areas
• Finding the florist and choosing Wedding Party and other arrangements
• Finding the photographer and videographer
• Guest Lodging and welcome baskets
• Ceremony readings or songs

Jointly they might handle:

• Cake or dessert selection
• Ceremony and Reception venue
• Reception food choices
• Officiant
• Guest List and table seating chart
• Ceremony and Reception play list
• Invitations
• Budget

Naturally, every couple is unique and will call on their own set of strengths and weaknesses to determine the best way to divvy up the tasks.

A word of caution to all Brides – I know it’s difficult to relinquish control for decisions about a day you have probably been envisioning for most of your life – but unless you plan to do everything in your married life, now is a good time to let go and share responsibilities with the one you love. Consider planning your wedding an opportunity to hold a dry run for married life and all the decisions you will need to make together as you walk down life’s path.

Here’s to Love,

Bonnie Phelps

Some lanterns have battery-operated lights to bathe your reception in a soft, romantic glow or you can attach floralites inside can achieve the same effect. How about tying some ribbons in your wedding colors to the bottom of the lanterns to dangle playfully above your guests? Mini parasols can be tucked into flower-covered arches.

Luna Bazaar, Beau Coup Favors, Koyal Wholesale and My Wedding Favors offer an amazing selection of lanterns and parasols – plus many other decorating items – to choose from.

Here are a few ideas to get you started.

Here’s to Love,

Bonnie Phelps

Most backyard weddings need the same space to do double duty – usually serving as both the ceremony and reception area – because making everything fit is usually one of the biggest challenges. To keep everything flowing smoothly you will need to have an additional space where the guests can go during this transition from ceremony to reception. Typically this is the space where you hold your cocktail hour.

You will also need a separate ‘staging area’ where food is laid out and your guest tables set up and ready to be moved once the ceremony is over. The staging area should be screened or out of sight of your guests if possible. Your cocktail space should also not be in the middle of the transition pathway or where your guests have to watch the proceedings.

Sometimes it helps to have a fresh pair of eyes take a look at your property before you make your final decision. A space that you consider unusable, may strike your caterer or wedding planner as the perfect place to hold your cocktail hour or serve as the staging area and give you that all important traffic flow. The reverse is also true, the backyard that seems huge to you may not have enough of the types of spaces you need to let people mingle easily.

First I’ll talk about space. Areas you want to plan for are Ceremony, Reception, Cocktail Hour, Buffet Service, Staging area, Dance Floor, DJ or Band, Cake Table, Bar, Gift/Guest Book Table, Escort Card Table and possibly extra bathrooms. Basic minimum needs include:

• Ceremony space – 18” x 42” per chair in each row plus a 4’ center aisle and 3’ at the side of each row. Add an additional 10’ depth for the wedding party. For 100 guests you would need a width of about 35’ and a depth of about 40’ to have seven rows of 14 chairs each (one row would have 16 chairs).
• Reception space – Using 60” round tables that seat 8, you will need a 12’ x 12’ space for each table. For100 people, you would need a space of about 40’ x 60’ for the round table set up. If you plan to use 6’ rectangular tables that seat 8 by using both sides for seating, then you need a 10’ x 6’ space for each table. For the same 100 people you would need a space of about 30’ x 55’ if you placed 3 tables end to end in each row to seat your guests.
• Cocktail Hour – with a mixture of tall cocktail tables that guests would stand around and some 48” rounds (with seating), then for 100 people you will need about 800 sq. ft. or about 15’ x 50’ plus an additional 6’ x 8’ space for each the bar.
• DJ will need about 6’ x 6’
• Dance Floor – For 100 people you will need an 18’ x 18’ space or about 325 sq. ft.
• Most cakes fit nicely on a 48” round table.
• Buffet Service – Each 72” rectangular table with servers needs a 6’ x 9’ space though most caterers will use a 10’ x 10’ canopy to cover the food area.
• Staging Area – a minimum of about 300 sq. ft. (slightly smaller than a 2 car garage)
• Gift card & Guest Book Table – an 8’ rectangular table works well and can be tucked against a wall.

Other Considerations:

• Give yourself plenty of time to complete the inevitable projects you and your family will decide are essential to create the atmosphere you want for the day. This includes everything from permanent fixtures like arches, pergolas, gazebos, patios, terracing or koi ponds to new landscaping and painting.
• Remove patio furniture, play equipment and BBQ.
• Make sure your automatic sprinklers are turned off.
• Especially if your guests will be walking over uneven ground or dancing on a deck, let them know to wear comfortable shoes
• The Bride and Wedding Party should consider getting ready someplace else – perhaps in an out-of-town guest’s hotel room – so you won’t be tempted to keep running out to see how things are going and guests won’t be tempted to visit with you before the Ceremony.
• Check with your caterer and DJ to make sure you can supply the power they need to operate. If not, you may need to rent a generator.
• Check with local government officials for permits you might need, parking regulations or noise restrictions.
• Extra bathroom facilities. The general rule of thumb is one bathroom for every 35 guests.
• Touch base with neighbors to let them know the date and time of your wedding well in advance of the big day. You will want to know if they are planning to hold a party on the same day. Also politely ask them not to mow their lawn at the same time your ceremony is taking place and if they have a dog that likes to bark, perhaps they could keep it inside during your ceremony.
• Don’t leave the cake in the sun but also don’t put it under a tree unless you have a canopy over it.
• Create an inviting outside entrance to your wedding celebration rather than having guests come through the house.
• Wind can always be a factor so make sure your decorations are properly secured.
• Mother Nature has a habit of upsetting even the best laid plans so be sure to have a Plan B in case of rain. If Plan B involves going to a different location, then make sure to include the address in your invitation and how guests will be notified if a change of plans occurs.
• Use your décor to enhance your surroundings rather than try to turn your surroundings into something else. Expect to have one look for a Versailles style garden and another for a beach cottage. While candelabras make gorgeous centerpieces inside, open candles generally don’t work as well outside.
• Strategically placed pots of flowers and battery-powered candles, luminarias or lanterns can add a wonderful ambiance to your garden wedding.
• Talk to your insurance agent about whether or not you need a supplementary policy to cover any mishaps.
• Find out where the sun will be at the time of your Ceremony and decide if you will need umbrellas or a tent to cover the area.

Backyard weddings are a wonderful way to fill your wedding with happy childhood memories. Enjoy planning your special day!

I’d love to hear about your backyard wedding plans!

Here’s to Love,

Bonnie Phelps

I always think favors that your guests can use after the wedding are more likely to be treasured by your guests so here are a few of my choices in the favor category:

Chrome Dove Bottle Opener from Wedding Favors.org

Who can't use another set of coasters? Insert your favorite engagement photo and Voila!

This heart-shaped coffee scoop from Beau Coup Favors will be used regularly.

How about this lovely vase engraved with your wedding details for your Bridesmaids? You could have it on their table to serve as holder for their bouquets and do double-duty as centerpieces.

Perfect for your Bridesmaids from Beau Coup Favors

I think cupcakes and other desserts in lieu of a formal wedding cake are here to stay. Here’s a great way to display them or send them home with your guests.

Send your guests home with something sweet from Koyal Wholesale.

These cupcake wrappers come in so many great colors and designs from Koyal Wholesale.

Here’s to Love,

Bonnie Phelps

Your choice will need to be ‘deputized’ as a “One-Time Deputy Marriage Commissioner, Without Compensation” if he or she is not already legally authorized to perform a marriage ceremony in California. People who are currently authorized to perform marriage ceremonies in California are: ordained clergy, retired or active California or Federal judges, Members of Congress from California, the following California officials (Governor, Lieutenant Governor, Attorney General, Controller, Insurance Commissioner, Secretary of State, Superintendent of Public Instruction and State Treasurer), an elected member of the California Assembly or Senate or Mayor of a California city.

Rules can vary by county but in general, here are the guidelines:

• The person making the request (either the couple to be married or the person to be deputized) must contact the County Clerk-Recorders Office where the wedding will take place with the following information: Name, address and phone number of the parties to be married; Date and Address where the wedding will take place; County where the marriage license was purchased; Name address and phone number of the person to be deputized.
• Pay the required fee which varies from $75 to $125 in the Greater San Francisco Bay area.
• Be 18 years old and a U.S. Citizen
• Be fluent in English
• Have a valid government-issued photo ID and appear in-person at the County Clerk-Recorders Office. (Some counties will let you sign the paperwork in front of a notary public and then mail it back to you)

Some of the other conditions you may encounter in select counties include:

• Marriage license may need to be issued in the county in which the deputization request is made
• May be required to take the oath of office swearing/affirming to support and defend the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the State of California
• Religious wording and references are not allowed during the ceremony
• Appointment is valid for specified wedding place and date, though you may also have a 6 day grace period

Here’s to Love,

Bonnie Phelps

All you really need to get married are the marriage license, the Bride and Groom, a witness – and an officiant. Often the Officiant is one of the last wedding professionals selected by couples and often as one of those “oh, yeah,” moments – an after thought.

Unless your ceremony is taking place in a house of worship, you need to find someone to officiate at your wedding. This can be someone you know who is ‘deputized’ for the day (a friend or family member – more on this and getting your marriage license in my next blog), a professional officiant or at City Hall.

If you do a Google search or visit one of the popular Wedding Directories like Wedding Wire, Gathering Guide or The Knot, you quickly encounter a very long list of options. So how do you go about deciding which Officiant is the best match for you and your ceremony?

First, check out their website to get a feel for their values and approach to preparing your ceremony.

Second, check out their reviews and what couples who have worked with them have to say.

Third, choose two or three who seem most in tune with what you are looking for and set up an appointment to talk to them.

Here are some questions to consider asking when you interview potential Officiants:

1. What is the process you use to help us create our ceremony?
2. Do you book more than one wedding a day?
3. Are you the one who will be performing our ceremony?
4. What is your standard fee? What factors or services would increase that fee?
5. What geographic area do you serve? Do you charge a travel fee?
6. Do you attend the rehearsal as part of your package or do we need to hire a wedding coordinator? Is there a fee to attend the rehearsal?
7. Do you have a backup in the event you can’t attend?
8. What do you typically wear to perform the ceremony? Are there other options?
9. Do you have restrictions on photography or videography?
10. Will you wear a microphone?
11. Do you have restrictions on readings, rituals (like sand ceremony, unity candles, wine ceremony, jumping the broom, etc.) or music?
12. Do you plan to mail the marriage license to the appropriate county office?

This last question is very important in California since by law the Officiant is required to return the signed marriage license to the County Clerk’s Office within ten days.

It will be well worth your time to put a little effort into finding the perfect person to lead your ceremony!

Here’s to Love,

Bonnie Phelps

These clever ideas give you the best of both worlds – the chance to celebrate you wedding surrounded by natural beauty, yet able to have that ‘reveal’ moment when the door swings wide and there you are. I’m sure these handy props will also offer your photographer some great photo opportunities.

Obviously a little engineering and ingenuity is required but that’s half the fun. Check with your Wedding Planner or  florist to find the right person to put this charming addition to your ceremony together for you. Chances are, that one of them will know someone handy with tools who can make this happen.

Here’s to Love,

Bonnie Phelps

For more information about their wedding, check out my blog.

Congratulations again, to Giselle and Mike!

Here’s to Love

Bonnie Phelps

The Vessel Project. Since this is a Christian website, most quotes offer insights into marriage for couples who plan to incorporate religion into their vows but there are also some lovely sentiments that can work well for a more secular ceremony.

Here are two of my favorites:

“Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.”
~ Mark Twain

“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.”
~ Simone Signoret

Love Poems and Wedding Ceremony Readings offers inspiration for those wanting to add something that sounds familiar but you don’t hear everyday.

You can also try Marriage Against All Odds for words to live by.

“You don’t marry one person; you marry three:
the person you think they are,
the person they are, and
the person they are going to become
as a result of being married to you.”
~ Richard Needham

Here’s to Love

Bonnie Phelps

These wonderful balls of twigs topped with orchids, viburnum and ribbons were designed by Awesome Blossom. During the ceremony, they hung from lantern hooks. These versatile decorations did double duty. Once the ceremony was over and all of the photos taken, they were moved over to the reception area and placed atop waiting ‘v’ shaped vases. 

Here’s to Love,

Bonnie Phelps